Hot Mess of the Day

My day started off well. I:

• got the kids changed and dressed


• got myself dressed


• checked email


• got the car packed up for the days errands


• and started the oven self-cleaning cycle.

Then I:

• took the kids to the library for storytime (more on that in the next post...)


• filled up the car's gas tank


• stopped at the liquor store for free boxes for my eBay project


• dropped off the drycleaning


• grocery shopped

Returned homeand:

• made juice for Parker


• put Parker down for his nap


• put Kennedy down for her nap


• put the groceries away


• put the dry-cleaning away


• took steaks out the freezer for tomorrow night's supper


• mailed Kennedy's Teddy Study sample


• pulled enough weeds to fill my yard waste bin 3/4 (yikes!)

I was feeling pretty good about all I had accomplished. That's when I got cocky and thought I could dye my hair. I checked the clock, and guessed that I had about another hour before naptime ended. Awesome! My roots are BADLY in need of a touch-up. And we're trying to save money lately, so I bought a box of color at Target last week...

You would think that I would learn. I have very thick hair. And I am really not a patient person. And yet I repeatedly attempt to color my own hair. Nine times out of ten the results are comical bordering on disastrous.

I changed into my hair-coloring clothes, rushed to the bathroom, ripped open the package and began mixing it together. As soon as it was all mixed, Kennedy woke up SCREAMING! Hmmm, maybe I have time to quickly apply this before I get her.

I got about half my head covered when it sounded pretty serious, so I rushed to her to see what was wrong. She has a stuffy nose today and it woke her up. So, I sat on the bed and tried to nurse her back to sleep praying that I wasn't getting bleach all over the sheets...and hoping that she would fall asleep so that I could go back to the bathroom and finish my hair before I start looking more and more like a certain pop star at the VMAs!

I put Kennedy in her crib and turn on her mobile.She's fine for a few minutes, so I take a pic of my wild hair. Then I rush back to the bathroom to finish applying the dye. She starts fussing again as soon as I finish. Ok, no problem. I'll just nurse her back to sleep while the color does its work. Except she's fussy. Really fussy. I use the bulb syringe on her little nose to clear it, and that pisses her off even more. I'm just praying she won't wake up Parker.

As I'm carrying Kennedy from her room to our bedroom, she throws up. A LOT. And like those twenty-something chicks on the Real World, she always manages to get absolutely none of it on herself, and all of it on everyone (me) around her; leaving her perky and cute and smiling and everyone else looking stunned and covered in vomit. I clean up and realize my scalp is starting to burn a bit. Hmmm, I wonder how long I'm supposed to leave this stuff on?

Check the box: 10 minutes or the length of time indicated by your strand test. Seriously, Clairol? Seriosly? Who the F^%K has time to do a strand test???

I realize that I should probably rinse this out before it eats completely through my hair. I put Kennedy back in her crib. She screams. I feel like a terrible "Attachment Parent" having to leave her to cry in her crib, but there's really no alternative at this point. I hop in the shower and begin rinsing. I realize that I missed a spot. A BIG spot right in the front. Jump out of the shower and grab the bottle of bleach...it has a bit left in it, so I hastily apply it to the spot I missed. I can hear Kennedy screaming. Parker is awake now too. I can hear him across the hall imitating Kennedy's screams. F$%K! Rinse my hair and throw it in a towel, then rescue my babies from their respective cribs.

So...when you all see me over the next few weeks and my hair looks like crap, just be kind and try not to notice. I really AM making an effort to keep myself looking decent, it's just really not easy these days!!!

And Mandy, if you're reading this, I SWEAR I will get a professional to fix this mess before I'm in your wedding!